Monday, October 04, 2004

1st week

Time flies past us. Today is mom's first 7 days. It is believed that her spirit will return in some form to visit her family. Mom used to sit in her own room playing cards. Since she passed away, everytime I walk upstairs, I feel as though she is there. I'm such a coward. I don't know why I am afraid. If spirit does return on the 7th day then mom must be hurt cause I am afraid of her.

Since mom died, dad been sleeping in my room. He couldn't bring himself to sleep in his own room again. Every night he would wake up several times to check if mom was alright. I think he still does that even when he's sleeping in my room. I wished there were easier ways to help him ease that pain of losing some he loves.

Early Monday morning at about 04:00 a big buzzing bee flew in to my room. I woke dad to step out of the room. The bee flew around the room twice and flew out again. Somehow, I prayed it was mom coming home to visit us.

Tuesday, September 28, 2004

A mid-autumn's day I will never forget

03:30 Mom woke up couldn't breathe. She asked dad to pat her back as she used her inhaler. After awhile, she said to dad to pat harder. Before he could, she passed out. Dad woke Shelby to take care of mom while he wake the rest of us. Somehow mom fell from bed and was lying on the floor.
04:00 I woke up heard Sylvia screaming that mom couldn't breathe. I ran into mom's room found her laying there on the floor. CK was there checking for her pulse. Mom's eyes were half opened. She wasn't gasping for air .. she seems like she was sleeping.

Dad and Shelby ran out of the house asking for help. But nobody came. We tried to do CPR but she still wasn't breathing. I felt useless cause I didn't know how to help her. I couldn't only say mom please stay strong. Ming was aslo whispering at her ear asking her to stay with us and then she felt mom's tear on her cheek.

We carried mom to the car. Ming drove her to the nearest clinic. Minutes later she drove home. Everything was over then ... she had no pulse. The doctor confirmed she's dead.

It's is the hardest moment of our lives, to accept the truth. We tried hard not to cry. We believe she it would be hard for her to spirit to leave knowing that we are sad. Many times we tried to tell ourselves that it was the best. At least now mom doesn't need to suffer anymore.

We cleaned mom's body to dress her. As we were doing so, I saw many bruises we made on her as we were struggling to carry her to the car. Nothing feels worse that not able to help her and yet bruising her all over.

No words can describe that pain in our hearts. We've never done our part as a good daughter. I guess we will never have another chance to thank her and tell her how sorry we are and how much we love her. So many regrets but it's all too late ...

Tuesday, May 11, 2004

Trust nobody

Trust nobody these days not even your best friend at work!! Seems like it's impossible to find a colleague who would be a friend you can trust. Everyone's just waiting for their chance to exploit you.

Well maybe not everyone, SC and SW are/were good colleagues and friends. I feel sick coming to office knowing all my colleagues are "kiasu" people and all waiting to get the best outta you for their own benefits.

Either something is truly with my attitude or I have problems working anywhere and everywhere :P. Work simply sucks.

I've given notice to current landlord. I am moving out. Not something that I am excited about. I am worried when call comes during my standby weeks. How the hell am I gonna drive from that god damn far place to office in time to meet office's SLAs. *SIGH* I guess I really need to learn how to drive a manual-car unless I get an auto-car!

So much to worry about.. I regret buying a house totally outta city. *SOB*